Maria Age: 18
Hi Doctor, I am writing to tell you about a problem that I never had the courage to face either with myself or with others.
year scorso avevo una relazione stabile con un ragazzo, che insisteva molto per avere rapporti sessuali con me. Mi spingeva dicendo che era una cosa normale, che fanno tutti, ed assumeva atteggiamenti d'insofferenza e delusione quando rifiutavo, disprezzando le attenzioni che gli riservavo e le mie dimostrazioni d'affetto. Io non avevo mai avuto altre relazioni prima, e mi
sono detta che probabilmente era davvero normale, così mi sono sforzata di fare ciò che mi chiedeva come se fosse una medicina amara da prendere. Pensavo che se l'avessi accontentato in questo senso, avrei abbattuto la barriera che avvertivo between him and me, and I could get a report worthy of the name . Of course I was wrong, but then seemed the most reasonable thing to do , so I dealt with the situation as I was able to do: I indulged, without ever at the time of penetration, but the meeting expectations. During the first few occasions, I tried to convince me that what I did was really borne fruit, and, later on, during the act mental detachment as I could. Generally, I was that I was acting for cause him pleasure, but even when, occasionally, he tried to reciprocate, I never I never found pleasant, and a provisional strong sense of guilt that I put to rest one way or another with arguments that I seemed rational at the time. I tried several times to close our relationship, but every time he came to me crying, so I persuaded to return with him, until one day during a our relationship, he went too forward, trying to penetrate.
I tried to push him away, but he continued. not realizing that he would stop, I screamed and I pushed him away, taking refuge in another room. I told myself that meant nothing, that I was not sure been raped, and I pretended to forget what happened, but the same situation recurred shortly afterwards. Still, I managed to escape, but I'm blood, the first thing that I had not. He ran after me, saying that I should not worry, even if I had broken the hymen, I rest easy because we'd be together forever. This sentence me
aroused horror. The next day I have not seen, and I decided that I would not longer allowed anything like that, I'd left, and that, despite I was sure to have her hymen broken, I was still a virgin. Every night when I went to bed , I felt the point where I had entered, and felt a pain identical to that experienced during the act. The thing that I can not understand is that day I did not think the incident completely, and even when they are managed to leave him, did not seem to have done so for what had happened.
For a period of time, more or less for two months, I have completely forgotten the fact , but now, almost a year later, still ripresentarmisi every time I deck to sleep, and I can not get to sleep before they I repeat that she was not raped, and I feel guilty, thinking that some women were definitely more disadvantaged than me: I could oppose, but not I did it at the appropriate time, and that makes me, at least partly at fault.
If I had known themselves that this has never happened, I would not asked for his help, but every night the pain in that exact point I storm, so please help me to clarify. Thanks.
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