Iridescent Age: 18
Hello, I'm a girl of 18 years. My problem is great ... myself. They are constantly stifled by fears that are creating of my mind: I am aware of but can not unlock it. Are invaded by a fear that stops me, brake me alone.
I state that I am a girl very, very shy: I find it difficult to relate with new people, I always feel judged and wrong, not all 'high, inadequate. But if I can overcome shyness to show me the way they are.
often wondered that people told me "the first time I saw you, you were nasty I looked like a snob. Then I met you and actually six just the opposite. "One of these people became my best friend, a person absolutely essential in my life today. It 's like in to relate to new people (the first approach, the first impression ) I through my behavior, unwittingly, shows the worst of me.
I ask myself self-limits. This shyness is a problem that I am slowly learning to overcome (about 7 months) struggling against me and convincing myself that there is nothing to fear. I try to play, and not to understand my insecurity (which I happen to be the batticuore anche quando sono in fila per prendere il pane, e sta per arrivare il mio turno, per esempio). Talvolta quando mi trovo in una situazione con gente nuova, non faccio il primo passo e perciò passo per l' antipatica di turno, ma il motivo per cui non lo faccio è che non penso che qualcuno sia interessato a conoscermi o a parlare con me, mi sento come trasparente. Ciò ha portato ad un altro problema, che è quello che mi pesa di più e non riesco a superare, per quanto lotti: ho 18 anni non ho mai avuto un ragazzo, non ho mai baciato, nonostante io venga reputata una bella ragazza. E' un fardello that weighs on me more than anything else because everyone around me had their experiences, and fact that I have not had leads me to think of myself as 'less': "I can not do this, speak with that 'other, if I did not never had a story. " I know it's silly, but it is what my brain is inclined to think, a small mind. Maybe it's because I had a wonderful childhood , where I never missed anything, I have a mother who loves me infinitely and the fact of taking this step is the detachment from phase of my life, I'm afraid to leave. But now the thing I want more is to be with the boy I love, by three years. We are friends (our relationship has always been ambiguous ever since we met: it happened because he had noticed me and began to write. Then we became friends and year there is this strange relationship between us, poised between friendship, affection, mutual respect, esteem and physical attractiveness) we d 'Agreement and are great together, but my car stop me stop me from achieving what I want . We even lived together for four days, we made a trip to England to see a rock concert (our group
preferred), a 'fantastic experience, but in spite of everything between us is not happened. Now we've seen for 2 months because we live far away. I raise a wall with the boys. I heard her say "I felt I would have gladly with you, but there 'was something that you do not know, I refused." For example last night at a party three have tried, and in particular one: I refused without even thinking. Why? I could have some fun ', but the fact to waste your first kiss with someone who did not even know I gave discomfort. The problem is I have a basically strong and consistent character, and if I want something I do not go and I take it, but I wait with infinite patience that happens, do not compromise. But it's hard to be so, because on the one hand I achieve my goal, that is the guy I love, by 'another I missed the' umpteenth time, I continued to hold the brake, I will continue to think "you are 18 years and have not kissed anyone, you can not afford do certain things. "
are strong but I'm human. Every so often the little things, the faults, I destroy. There I'm pretty damn bad.
Also this guy's party, I talked and got acquainted, I said "sure you're complicated, girl!" "Are you serious." We are serious and complicated I can not hide and I would not be so because I am 18 years old and I also wrong, sometimes. But do not let me. Maybe my problem is this , I take everything too seriously.
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