I can not cry anymore, I wish I could cease to suffer and I wish I could have not made all the mistakes I made in the almost 23. I wish I could kill but I do not have the courage to do ... And then I think the pain I would give to my mother and does not deserve it because in 96 have already lost a daughter. But I deserve to suffer so much? I have ghosts that haunt me ... Only I know what's inside me ... but I know how it feels to face life every day.
At the age of eleven years old I was molested by my father ... and knowing that the fault was not my own but that of him still loved you all today and I want him in the past your feelings of guilt. I noticed a lesbian (but not a waste after what I suffered) also because ho pensato a molte cose anche prima di essere molestata quindi so che non è un trauma subito e chiusura verso l altro sesso... Non voglio andarmene per le lunghe e non è di ciò che voglio parlare...ma del desiderio di porre fine ai miei dolori. Ho una sorella gemella e spesso si litiga ma ci vogliamo un gran bene....nonostante ciò molte volte arriviamo allo schifo più totale..come oggi ad esempio. In mezzo si è messo papà e non ho accettato il fatto che lui ha dovuto dare ragione a lei solamente perchè accetta che io stia con una donna e mi sono sentita dire che sono una delusione che gli fa schifo e che se devo farmi una vita dovrà essere lontana dalla sua, beh non c'era bisogno che doveva dirmelo.... la mia vita è tutto un fallimento For these reasons, I tend to be aggressive with a fluctuating nature and sometimes disinterested. I did not realize that I hurt the people most dear to me as my mom and my girlfriend. Today I had a new desire to get rid of after the quarrel at home .... but then I thought that's not how we deal with things that I would suffer my girlfriend my mom dad and my sister dear .. well if dad suffering can not please me in some way will have to pay ... but then I also thought that in the eyes of God sin is taking his own life of sin I have committed ..... Today mom saw me suffer and often came to me can not understand what joy .... I tried this because every time I was fighting with my sister I was always seen as the most powerful, aggressive and she was weak ... but I suffered a lot despite my armor daltronte not spent what I spent. Well every time I saw mother worry about her .. I was very ill and automatically took me with her sincerity and say they are very frequent discussions and try to be aggressive which is why I mad at her ... I wish I understood. .. my mom knows everything but known to be more caring towards my sister and this hurts me more then she (my sister) I have to hear malice ... then after all this hurt my mid section but not in a literary or disappearing and not making me feel. I'm a disaster loves so much and I can not appreciate the things in life. (At least today), I desire to do the military and the fate even help me. I write poems, paint and draw I lock myself in my loneliness and pain such as leopards and observe the world. I wish I could go home and start a MY LIFE WITH MY LOVE! but alas one thousand CVs sent had zero responses. Now I stay with my headaches and thinking about my life of shit.
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