Hello, I write with a great sense of helplessness and fear of not succeeding.
I always thought of having next to a person with too much attention to the body and diseases.
I am 42 years old and he 44.
When we met he told me that in his previous marriage had suffered from hypochondria, attributing responsibility to his family life unsatisfactory.
He should have married, expecting a child, not sought, in a story between two young men who probably did not think such a future.
From his stories tells me that the last time this state of hypochondria lived in solitude, with a wife from taking his things and, I add, however, from having to think about things every day.
Then their marriage is over, he discovered the parallel story of his wife, and is gone.
From there he says he appropriated his life. As happens in all these cases.
In this context, he met me, rising from a cohabitation that ended badly, and both with a great desire to turn the page and carefree. The story has grown and become important.
Its separation is was very difficult, the wife was very hostile, opposed and discredited as a father, has made it all about money. He charged that at the time of marriage did not address the family, prefer to isolate themselves and meetings with friends made of wine and gambling dens.
Our history has taken, we have not involved the daughter, who at the time of separation, in 2000, he was 5, I have helped a lot to deal with his fear of losing the affection of his daughter, and hours talking to reassure him. And slowly the situation has stabilized in its own way.
I've always noticed but its weakness in relation to health. Excessive concern for the onset di un qualsiasi doloretto che hanno tutti.
Ma per motivi anche invisibili e fuori contesto: una volta stavamo a Marsa Alam, e ho dovuto lasciarlo in pace una/due giornate perché doveva monitorare il suo corpo. Praticamente non mi poteva ascoltare, tanto era preso a fare lo scanner continuo. L’ho assecondato e non sono stata affatto insofferente. Anzi ero preoccupata, molto, pensavo che stesse male sul serio.
Si ostina a non voler prendere medicine, anche se sta molto male…
Ma ora ho il dubbio…quando dice di stare male, sta male veramente?? Perché allora rifiuta le medicine? Non è un ignorante, ha studiato, io sono laureata, siamo figli di due insegnanti, il contesto sociale e culturale non lo giustifica in questo senso..
In questi giorni mi dice che ha dolori insopportabili alla schiena (ha sempre sofferto di cervicale e cose varie, come tutti, anche io) ma diversamente localizzati. Ho capito che era partita la botta quando mi ha accennato alla paura della SLA. Ma comunque io non lo ho sottovaluto mai, anche perché se così fosse?
Poi però non fa nulla, si lamenta oppure sta zitto per conto suo. Abbiamo anche discusso perché comincio ad essere stanca.
Mi fa vivere le sue paure, però se gli dico di andare a fare una visita specialistica, mi dice di no. Allora cerco to convince him to take a painkiller to stop the pain and the other does not. Eventually I managed to convince him to go to his family doctor (who knows the whole story including his hypochondria) and there are also I wanted to go. A bit 'to understand a bit' to make me feel close.
His doctor has marked the anxiety, saying that it is all a matter of anxiety and a distorted perception of the signals of his body. However he has gone as long as your doctor has not scored a neurological examination, to make him happy.
In the meantime we made a visit to my ophthalmologist, he asked me to contact for an appointment shortly. He says he does not see well. In my opinion, is the fear of ALS. I think I've read somewhere that the disease is also proposed with this symptom in the eyes.
We went, I accompanied him. 11 / 10 obviously, and is preparing to presbyopia.
He stopped smoking in April. I asked him to let me share this path, for better or for worse, I feel to be a companion and I want to be, with complicity and understanding, without hiding the "smearing". He shared the project. A word though. I have discussed more than once because it tells me lies. I feel offended, excluded from a relationship where I put so much care.
Dice che vuole essere libero di poter fumare finchè non fa una visita specialistica neurologica.
Dice che vive questo momento difficilmente, non sa quello che ha alla schiena. Poi fatta la visita smetterà di fumare.
In attesa della visita, essendo afflitto dai dolori di schiena, l’ho convinto, con l’ennesima discussione (perché le garantisco che quando si parla di queste cose è come un bambino capriccioso, senza che lui se ne renda conto e con le buone non ci riesco più, si lascia andare ancora di più e basta) a prendere un antidolorifico da banco.
A parte i dettagli comunque non so più come prenderlo.
days ago I've had a chat in peace. He says that many thoughts, and stress ... and this is his reaction to stress. Now his problems are the problems of everyday life and still are not catastrophic. The problem of having to deal with the salary, the problem of a teenage daughter a bit 'exuberant (among other things, practically operated by the grandparents), a child who does not arrive and perhaps we will no longer happen, even after a miscarriage 9 months ago. However he admitted that at this time is "weakened" to respond to stressful stimuli, I tried to share with him the fact that hypochondriasis is an excessive response and therefore would be the case to investigate the causes of this type of response to stress. I tried to make him understand that a first step would be to read and study with essays and writings on this subject. Maybe by reading you can make a reflection, to look to the past, to childhood, relationship with his parents, who would otherwise not be able to do alone. As food for thought. To begin with groped to understand how to resolve the issue.
does not seem to want to understand. Deny the obvious in my opinion. He's afraid of diseases, but you feel better if you smoke and drink wine.
but I would not appear severe.
am a former smoker, I smoked 2 packs per day. I like to have a drink, I eat and I like to drink wine with meals, I must also contain a little 'because otherwise fattening and then because you dare, but do not always make sense anymore. I am convinced that a former smoker is like a recovering addict, so I do not feel perfect, "at risk". This he knows, I always say when I say that I admire and can not be like me. To give him the strength to resist not to start again. But he wants me to be the complicity if he did not do it. He tells me that I must not judge these days before the neurological examination. I do not know what to do, because I think they are all tricks of hypochondria, which I hope unaware. For me smoking is to blame, always, am I to take it to a tumor, to feel complicit in this. It is not possible. Why do I need to do this. It 'a gesture of love? I can not see it like this ...
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